Qin Yichi’s Past Life: Unrequited Love (3)

After the school anniversary, Qin Yichi keenly sensed a change in Qiao Zhen. It was as if the young girl was harboring a secret, tucked away deep in her heart.

They continued to walk to school together with their backpacks, entering the school gates side by side as always. That was until the day he saw Qiao Zhen’s eyes light up. Her doe-like eyes sparkled as if they had been dusted with diamonds. He froze, following her gaze to a handsome boy standing not far away—the one who had played the piano at the anniversary. For some reason, Qin Yichi’s heart skipped a beat, a sudden, ominous sense of crisis washing over him. It was the first time he had ever seen Qiao Zhen look at another boy with such eager sincerity.

As it turned out, his instinct was right.

During the sports meet, Qin Yichi had just finished the 1,000-meter run, drenched in sweat, and instinctively searched for Qiao Zhen. Yet, her eyes remained fixed on Ji Xian, shining brightly. When the men’s high jump event ended, she went up with other girls to offer water. Ji Xian rejected all the other girls, but he did not refuse her; he took the bottle of water and said a calm "thank you." As he spoke, Qiao Zhen lowered her head slightly, a faint blush creeping up her ears.

Qin Yichi stood nearby, witnessing it all. He gripped his fingers tightly, a lump forming in his throat as if he were choking on a stone. Perhaps it was the exhaustion from the run, but he suddenly found it hard to breathe. Even the act of inhaling felt painful.

Qin Yichi always watched her from the shadows. She would steal shy glances at Ji Xian, run to him with her test papers to ask for help, and prepare little gifts and snacks for him... The young girl’s eyes were full of brilliant stars. So, this was the kind of boy she liked. Qin Yichi could only watch as it all unfolded, unable to do a thing. Quietly, a seed named "bitterness" was buried in his heart, slowly taking root and wrapping itself tightly around his entire soul, making his heart throb with a dull ache.

Qiao Zhen went to find Ji Xian with her math test again. Qin Yichi seized the chance to appear before her, feigning indifference as he asked, "Are there problems you don't understand?"

Qiao Zhen stopped, looked at him, and nodded honestly. The blue and white school uniform looked lovely on her—clean, neat, and her high ponytail radiated youthful vitality. Qin Yichi’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he said, "I’ll teach you." He was currently the top math student in the grade; there was hardly a problem he couldn't solve. Just as Qiao Zhen had once taught him, now it was his turn to teach her.

However, Qiao Zhen simply shook her head gently and offered a faint, polite smile. "Thank you, but there’s no need. Someone else will teach me." When she walked off to see Ji Xian, her steps were light and quick. Qin Yichi stood where he was, stunned for a long time, unable to snap out of it.

Late at night, everything was silent. Qin Yichi hadn't been sleeping well lately. The fact that Qiao Zhen liked Ji Xian had gradually become common knowledge. She was always following behind Ji Xian, smiling sweetly, and he never turned her away. Being a man himself, Qin Yichi could tell from the subtle details that Ji Xian cared for Qiao Zhen too; otherwise, he wouldn't have allowed her to follow him around.

In his dark bedroom, Qin Yichi lay in bed, clutching the teddy bear Qiao Zhen had given him, his hand absentmindedly stroking the toy’s head. He tried desperately to suppress the bitterness and jealousy surging within him, but the more he fought these emotions, the more wildly they grew. Qin Yichi squeezed his eyes shut and turned over. They had promised that when they grew up, she would marry him. Qiao Zhen, you’re a liar.

Secret love is a chaotic battle fought by one person alone; it is an affection hidden in the shadows, never seeing the light of day. It is bitter, sour, and astringent. Qin Yichi constantly comforted himself: in this world, secret crushes rarely come true, and as long as Qiao Zhen is happy, that is enough. She had been abandoned by her relatives once as a child, and her family favored her younger brother more. Yes, as long as she is doing well, it is enough.

Qin Yichi lowered his eyes, his throat dry. He had already drawn so much warmth and strength from Qiao Zhen; he shouldn't have been greedy for more. But this thought didn't last long before it completely collapsed. He saw Qiao Zhen huddled on the ground, lost and dejected. The girl was silently hugging her knees, head bowed, sobbing like a little rabbit with drooping ears. She had been bullied by the boys in Ji Xian’s circle.

Those boys always treated Qiao Zhen with prejudice and mockery, looking down on her background and family, belittling her in both subtle and blatant ways. Qin Yichi had once overheard their conversation. "Haha, she’s really like a free nanny." "Haven't you noticed? It’s always so fun to tease her." Even though Ji Xian was right there, even though he had heard every single word, he had made no move to stop them. He was tacitly allowing this behavior, perhaps even fueling it from the shadows. Qin Yichi’s temple throbbed with veins, his fists clenching until his knuckles cracked.

By the second year of high school, Qin Yichi realized he was drifting further and further away from Qiao Zhen. Even though they still bought breakfast together and walked to school together, he felt the words between them growing fewer. Sometimes, when they walked together, he didn't know what to talk about. They were more like "walking companions" than anything else. Yet, before, they had had so much to say...

In the height of summer, the sound of cicadas rose and fell, and the camphor trees lining the roadside outside the school were lush with leaves, emitting a faint, fresh fragrance. A warm breeze blew, and a leaf drifted slowly onto Qiao Zhen’s head. Qin Yichi reached out to brush it away, but Qiao Zhen suddenly stepped aside, dodging his hand, and looked up to ask, "What is it?"

Qin Yichi’s fingertips stiffened in mid-air. A few seconds later, he lowered his hand, his voice raspy. "...Nothing, there was a fallen leaf on your head." Qiao Zhen shook her head, reached up to pluck the leaf away, acting as if nothing had happened. At that moment, Qin Yichi gradually realized: Qiao Zhen was intentionally distancing herself from him.

In their final year of high school, Qiao Zhen focused entirely on her studies, setting her sights on Beijing University. Qin Yichi would pass by Class 2 during almost every break, pretending to be on his way to the restroom to wash his hands, but in reality, he was stealing glances at Qiao Zhen through the glass window. Sometimes, she would be hunched over her homework, writing stroke by stroke with great focus. The soft light haloed her face as she sat quietly at her desk, her eyes intent, her pale fingertips gripping her pen... Sometimes, she would be sharing snacks with her deskmate—her favorite lime-flavored potato chips. Whatever interesting thing they were discussing, her beautiful eyes would curve into crescents, her lips arching to reveal two dimples... Sometimes, she would be asleep on her desk, looking exhausted from her studies. The girl’s sleeping face was peaceful and serene, her eyelashes long and thick, resting on her arms as she slept soundly...

Qin Yichi felt he was likely going mad. He wanted to see Qiao Zhen every moment, wanted to be by her side every second, wanted to stick to her forever and never part. He felt as if he were poisoned, and Qiao Zhen was the only antidote.

Qin Yichi was out playing basketball with his friends, followed by a barbecue. In the shop, the owner brought out various meats. One of the guys let out a silent sigh, bitterly saying, "Man, I confessed to this girl I’ve known for four or five years, and I got rejected. Now we can’t even be friends; she hides whenever she sees me."

Suddenly, Qin Yichi’s hand, reaching for a drink, froze. Something was churning violently in his chest. He tried hard to suppress the turmoil of his emotions. The friend beside him quickly comforted him, patting his shoulder. "Brother, look on the bright side. If you get rejected, just find someone else to like."

"But I... I just can't forget her, I just like her so much, waah..." As he spoke, the boy began to wail, tears and snot streaming down his face, leaving the barbecue shop owner stunned. Others started shoving pork belly into his mouth. "Stop crying! How about we carry you to King rank in the game today? I’m telling you, you should learn from Chi-ge. No women in his heart, he loves no one. He doesn't even have a single girl to play with in the game, yet he dominates the canyon, he’s absolutely lethal!"

Qin Yichi drank his beverage in silence, eyes lowered, not refuting them. It seemed everyone around him thought he was incapable of liking anyone. But only he knew the truth: many, many years ago, a sincere and kind little rabbit had already taken up residence in his heart.