Chapter 11: Zhang Suxin's Choice

Observing Zhang Suxin’s troubled expression, Lu Anzhi asked curiously, "Do you often accept requests to write songs?"

Zhang Suxin replied, "Not exactly often, but more than before. After all, I rely on this for a living now."

Lu Anzhi asked, "Have you ever considered a comeback?"

Zhang Suxin drifted into a brief trance before saying, "Of course I have. Once you've stood on that stage, it’s hard not to miss the feeling—the feeling of being adored by thousands, all intoxicated by your singing.

"But... I can't bring myself to commit. While the stage is wonderful, there are so many aspects of the entertainment industry that I dislike. I find them repulsive."

"Is that so?" Lu Anzhi said.

Zhang Suxin nodded, reminiscing, "I remember when I first debuted, my first album became an unexpected hit. Following the company’s arrangements, I accepted an invitation to appear on a music variety show. It was called *Singers Rising with the Wind*. I wonder if you’ve seen it?"

Lu Anzhi shook his head. "I haven't." His predecessor wasn't one for variety shows, and since arriving in this world, he had been too busy writing and traveling to watch any.

Zhang Suxin said, "It’s good that you haven't. Those shows are all scripted."

Lu Anzhi nodded. "I have heard as much." Many people in his previous life had said the same.

Zhang Suxin continued, "At first, I didn't understand the tricks of the trade. I was full of enthusiasm and made extensive preparations, only to find that every segment and every detail had to follow the script. I wasn't allowed any room for improvisation."

"That sounds incredibly stifling," Lu Anzhi remarked.

"Exactly," Zhang Suxin agreed. "At the time, I saw established superstars having to follow orders, let alone a newcomer like me who had only released one album. Standing on stage, unable to make any decisions, I decided I would just focus on singing my song well and ignore the rest. I poured my heart into the performance, singing at my absolute best.

"But after I finished, listening to the director's cues—telling me to run to the left of the stage to beg for votes, then to the right—it all felt so fake. The audience below seemed to be cheering for me, but suddenly I heard someone shouting not to vote for me. My heart sank in an instant."

Zhang Suxin’s words painted a vivid picture, drawing Lu Anzhi into the scene. "That really is infuriating," he said.

Zhang Suxin sighed, "If that were all, it wouldn't matter. I am a singer; standing on that stage, I am an actor within that production. Even if I don't like it, I have to accept the show's arrangements. And, truth be told, I actually benefited from that unfair performance. Many people online felt it was unjust, which only boosted my popularity.

"But that is just a tiny microcosm of the entire industry. It’s too chaotic; sometimes, it’s even frightening. To say nothing of other things, just three years ago..."

She paused abruptly.

Lu Anzhi’s heart skipped a beat. "What happened three years ago?"

Zhang Suxin shook her head. "Nothing..."

Three years ago was exactly when Lu Anzhi had been reborn into this world. Back then, he was in a daze, and his brief romantic encounter with Zhang Suxin was only a hazy memory. After spending the last two days with her, he sensed that she wasn't a casual person. Hearing her mention that, he immediately suspected there was more to the story.

It piqued his curiosity. But seeing that she didn't want to elaborate, he suppressed the urge and didn't press further.

In any case, Zhang Suxin was clearly wary of the entertainment industry now, preferring to work as an independent songwriter behind the scenes.

Changing the subject, Lu Anzhi asked, "What kind of song request is it that's giving you such a hard time?"

Zhang Suxin explained, "It's a job a friend in the music industry helped me secure—writing the ending theme for a new TV drama starring Zhou Bo, which he will sing. If I can't come up with anything, the job will go to someone else."

"What show is it?"

" *Don't You Leave*, an urban drama. It’s been advertised on TV, but since you’ve been traveling, I suppose you haven't seen it. They need two ending themes. The one assigned to me is for the latter half, and based on the plot, it needs to be a tragic, farewell-themed song."

Lu Anzhi nodded. Not knowing what else to say, he offered, "Good luck with that."

*Knock, knock, knock.*

A knock at the door interrupted their conversation. Zhang Suxin went to open it. Lu Anzhi saw a kind-looking middle-aged woman walk in. He panicked for a moment, terrified that little Xianxian might call her "Grandma."

He had been through enough shocks in the last two days. Adopting a daughter was significant enough; he wasn't ready to meet the grandmother. Plus, given his complicated relationship with Zhang Suxin, he wouldn't know how to conduct himself in front of an elder.

Fortunately, Xianxian called out, "Auntie Gu!" which put Lu Anzhi at ease.

Zhang Suxin introduced her, "This is Auntie Gu. She was the confinement nanny I hired when I was pregnant. She’s very professional and took care of Xianxian when she was little. Even after my confinement period ended, I kept her on. But now she doesn't work full-time anymore; she just comes over to help look after Xianxian and cook."

"Nice to meet you, Auntie Gu," Lu Anzhi said. Anyone held in such high regard by Zhang Suxin must be excellent. Moreover, her ability to keep Zhang Suxin’s identity private showed great professional integrity.

Auntie Gu smiled at Lu Anzhi and said, "Hello."

Zhang Suxin added, "This is Lu Anzhi, Xianxian’s father. He’s been abroad for a while." This was true, if somewhat incomplete. Auntie Gu looked slightly surprised.

Xianxian rushed over, tugging at Lu Anzhi’s leg to show off, "This is Papa! Xianxian’s Papa!"

Auntie Gu patted Xianxian’s head. "Auntie knows. Xianxian’s Papa is back. Go play with him, I’m going to make lunch." She exchanged a few more polite words with Lu Anzhi before heading to the kitchen.

Zhang Suxin invited Lu Anzhi to stay for lunch, and after he agreed, she went to the kitchen to help. Lu Anzhi stayed to play with Xianxian.

The meal was a simple, home-cooked affair, with no special fuss made for Lu Anzhi. After eating, Auntie Gu cleaned up and left. Xianxian drifted off for an afternoon nap.

Zhang Suxin watched over the child while scribbling on paper, trying to conjure up a new song in her own way. Lu Anzhi took out his laptop to continue working on his manuscript. He only had the ending left—he had already finished the battle with Herzog and the flying scenes—and since he only needed to transcribe the memories in his head, he made quick progress.

After an hour of frantic typing, the ending was complete. He looked into the bedroom; Xianxian was still sleeping, and Zhang Suxin was pressing the end of her pen against her lips, looking utterly distressed.

"Still no ideas?" Lu Anzhi asked.

Zhang Suxin sighed. "Yes. I just can't find the right feeling."

She paused, suddenly struck by a thought, and asked, "You're a creative musician yourself, and you're skilled at writing tragedies. Do you have any ideas or advice for this kind of song?"